Behind The Scenes

Road Rules: Behind the scenes:

EFFIE AND JAKE DUKE IT OUT Things got pretty intense on the paint ball playing field. Emotions running high...
The guys tried to psyche themselves up by getting real aggressive. Put on a mean attitude. Make the competition nervous. Unfortunately, Jake took his bad attitude a little too far. Seems he had a few unkind words for Effie. So unkind, in fact, that Effie began to cry...
After the games, as the Winnie was backing out of the warehouse, Effie appeared from out of nowhere with a loaded gun. Loaded with PAINT of course! Revenge is sweet! She let loose, blasting the side of the Winnie, covering it with explosive paint splotches. Now that's leaving your mark on the world...
The next day, Jake confesses to his mother over the telephone, "I made Effie cry, but I feel bad - she's from Israel!" Jake, you really are a Nice Jewish Boy.

FLUBBER It's a little murky. All of the facts aren't in yet. But barf, rough waters, and a heavy work load weren't the only reasons the Jake wanted to jump off the Coast Guard ship...
Seems Jake was assigned to the engine room for the better part of the first day. This meant spending hour upon hour in a small and enclosed space, surrounded by hissing pipes and belching machinery. The air was clammy. And the company! Jake simply did not get along with his engine room mentor. In fact, Jake apparently rubbed this sailor the wrong way...
After listening to tedious explanations of hydraulics and plumbing, Jake could barely bare another second of lecture. Not to mention that Jake considered his mentor a bit of a hick. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. But certainly, the two had nothing in common. And you know Jake. Seems he just couldn't resist calling this man of the sea "an ignorant farm boy," or some such endearing epitaph. Well, the mentor didn't take to kindly to Jake's comment. In fact, this man apparently offered to break a few bones in Jake's little body - no kidding!
Their last day in San Francisco, Jake and Kalle each made twenty bucks working for a company called Bobono Casting. They were casting extras for the latest Disney extravaganza, Flubber, and Kalle had a great time. "I look through books of head shots, and choose people that I think would fit a certain role that the company is trying to cast for the next day. It's totally fast-paced." And Jake? "Jake's pretty caught up in looking through the book and trying to find some hot chicks."
Jake was just happy that they were going to be fed. "Kalle's trying to talk me into picking up girls on the phone. She wants to see how that'll work. So instead of Flubber, I did the casting for this TV crime show. I had to call up some different people, and talk them into being hookers. It's funny, nobody wants to be a hooker. But I got some offers, some people want to come down and meet me. It's just the power of casting."

THE FIGHTS YOU'VE MISSED On one of the first nights in the Winnie, the rulers wanted to loosen up a bit, so they bought a bottle of wine. Erika is into fine wine, so she picked the vintage. Oscar is a beer man, so he wasn't too thrilled with the taste. Oscar decided to mix his glass of wine with a glass of Gatorade. Well Erika nearly had a heart attack - "that's like watching someone put ice in beer. I have an appreciation for wine and that bothers me." Oscar reminds her that sometimes you have to bend the rules. Erika just rolls her eyes...
During the second evening on the Coast Guard cutter Long Island, all the rulers gathered in the dining room - just to hang out. Erika mentions they could go visit her mom - she lives an hour away. Oscar's face brightens, "hey your mom could cook for us!" Erika's face falls, "what did you say?! Did you say something about her cooking for us? That's not part of the deal, I don't like the way that was stated. Cook for yourself! Your attitude is passé in America. Women are not the designated cookers in the house." Chill...
A few days later, Oscar and Kalle were huddled together over the laptop computer, attempting to locate a map of California. Kalle was entering information with the keys, but Oscar wanted to take over, so her prodded her, "come on baby." Kalle snapped, "don't call me baby!"
Surely you can't be serious! I'm dead serious. And don't call me Shirley.

MAKE NEW FRIENDS BUT KEEP THE OLD... The Roadsters met a new friend during their stay on Balboa island...
A pleasant young man introduces himself to the cast on the sidewalk in front of his ceramics store. Seems his name is John. Just John. He offers to let the cast come in and paint ceramics 'till their hearts content. And they take him up on the offer. Kalle creates a beautiful mug as Jake embellishes a menorah.
Next John asks the cast if they would like to go out to dinner - he'll pay. Well, how can they say no! Remember, they're practically broke. So John takes them out to a nice steak and lobster dinner. Yum-mie! Pleasantly stuffed, John asks the kids if they'd like to stop at a liquor store, get some supplies, then head back to his house to party. This is where Vince gets a little nervous...
Just what does this John guy want in return? Jake tells Vince to relax - we're gonna get free beer outa him! They all head over to the liquor store together, and John requests the kids wait in the running taxi - he'll go in an buy everything. What service! John enters the store. Kalle whispers, "why is John being so nice to us, there has to be something behind it." Vince replies, "yeah, his penis! I think he's going to want some suction." All laugh, but then Erika asks Vince, seriously now, "what do you think of this guy?" Vince replies, "I think he's kinda acting rich but maybe has no friends, and he is super nice but I just hope his motive isn't fellatio." Suddenly John returns to the , "do you guys want chips too?" Erika assures the generous John that they are all quite full. John zips back into the store. Vince breaks into a hilarious imitation of John
Something else special happened while our cast was in Balboa...
Erika received a surprise visit from her hunky boyfriend, Stephen. First, the young lovers spent a lazy afternoon holed up in Stephen's car, just cuddling and making fun of the crazy people wandering around the RV park. Then the happy couple moved into the winnie, and let me tell you - the petting got pretty heavy! Erika was ready for some affectionate attention, but Stephen was quite shy of the cameras - he felt silly kissing his girl in front of the big lens! Then Jake, Kalle and the rest of the gang showed up, and all bets were off - no lovin' tonight! As the sun set, it was time for Stephen to drive home. Erika had a hard time letting Stephen go, but of course she had to. There was nowhere to hide him in the winnie - especially for 10 weeks!

ERIKA'S CANCER On the drive down to LA, Erika confided in Kalle that she's a cancer survivor. We didn't catch any of it on tape, but here's the interview transcript:
Erika: "I don't really tell anybody this but when I was 18 I found a tumor in my right breast and it was benign when they found it, but it was growing too fast and it was turning cancerous, so they removed it. When they found the tumor and were doing all these tests on me, they talked about removing my entire right breast. And that was, you know, you don't really think of yourself as vain until something like that comes along and you realize that you don't want to live without a part of your body, but I'm fine. I almost feel like a better person after the tumor. I don't complain about my body since that happened. I don't think I have a perfect body, but at the same time things could have been a lot worse for me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am, and I know that."
Kalle: "It's like a super, super, super scary thing for me to hear, but it makes me feel really good that she opened up and that she's telling me a really private, really personal hard thing to deal with in her life."
Erika: "There's been a couple of times when I've told people and they're like, "Oh," and they just kind of look away. You know what? Don't pass off that experience in my life like it was easy. I hate it when people make it sound like I just bought bread, "Oh, sure." It was incredibly hard for me. It was scary and it's something that I don't tell a lot of people. Kalle's concern and her interest in it just made me feel comfortable."

LOCATION: THE CAYMAN YOUTH HOSTEL Let's say you're a member of the Road Rules cast. You're spending a week on gorgeous Grand Cayman island. After a delicious fish supper, you lay down on your bunk at the local youth hostel for a little nappy. Suddenly, you're feeling flabby. Now the guilt. After all, the only exercise you got today was rolling onto your back to ensure an even tan.
You decide you need to exert yourself a bit. Perhaps an evening stroll? You might want to consider an indoor stationary bike instead. Why? Because at the Cayman youth hostel, a few steps in any direction will into direct contact with a tomb stone. It's true!
That charming cement box with those luxurious plastic covered bunk-beds isn't as innocent as it looks, fans. We're talking Poltergeist, where it turns out the family home was built over Indian burial ground, OK? Apparitions to the tenth power, OK?
Did you know that the windows in the sleeping area offer a breathtaking view of a graveyard? Yup, that's right, goblins. In fact, if you peek out the back door of the common room where our fearless friends laid their little noggins each night, you'll see over one hundred dilapidated, chipped, unloved grave markers. Mommy, I'm scared...
This close proximity to the rotting dead really upset Erika and Kalle. Erika wanted to sleep with the lights on. Kalle got pretty pissed when Jake repeatedly insisted on surprising her with ghost impersonations. He's so talented, that Jake.
The host of the hostel, Marlon the mighty, dumped more bad news in our casts' collective lap: there's a local legend, and it's not pretty. Seems the ghost of a murdered fisherman roams the building. Jake's response? Does the ghost fisherman clean a ghost fish? Cute.

LOCATION: ST. THOMAS When Gilligan rescued our little buddies from the deserted island, they were immediately whisked away to a five star hotel suite where they were positively pampered. Complete head-to-toe body make-overs, OK? (We didn't show this part to you, because we knew you'd get jealous.)
Erika got her nails done. Kalle got her feet dunked in a paraffin bath (the wax makes them soft as a baby's butt). Jake got a face scrub with a power brush. Vince got a deep cleansing mask. And lucky Oscar got a massage...
Massage. It's an art form. And this woman rubbing Oscar was a regular Picasso. First, our Puerto Rican pal was ordered to strip. Don't worry, he tied a towel around his waist before hopping onto the padded table erected for his pleasure on a wide patio overlooking the ocean. Feel that warm breeze on your naked skin. Lay on your stomach...
This beautiful woman with the wonder hands starts working Oscar's muscles, pounding out those knots, giving his skin a deep-tissue work-out. Now a little light massage with just the finger tips. That tickles just right. This is heavenly. Now roll onto your back...
Oscar grins. Now he's blushing. Come on, roll over. He won't do it, shakes his head no. What's the matter, Oscar? Oops. Seems he got a little, um, aroused by the attention his flesh was getting. "Don't worry," assures the rub-down diva, "it happens all the time."

LOCATION: MARTINIQUE While in Martinique, the Road Rulers had the opportunity to earn some much needed cash by working the beach. And when we say working, we don't mean throwing shade, OK?
Jake, Vince, and Oscar were supplied with baskets stuffed with brand new bottles of tanning spray. The boyz strolled the strip from end to end, offering the ladies and gentlemen some liquid protection. Jake and Vince weren't into the job, so they just carried the baskets as good old Oscar took charge of approaching the clients. Problem: all those clients baking in the sun speak French! As you know, Oscar's native language is Spanish. Needless to say, the sales pitch devolved into a game of charades. Frustrated by the language barrier and lack of sales, Oscar tried to drum up business by offering to spray the oil onto the customers and rub it into their skin! Of course, this also offered him the opportunity to touch the skin of some lovely French ladies. And some fat French men. C'est la vie!
Oh, one thing we forgot to mention: the stretch of sand where the boys were selling their wares was a topless beach. That's right. Those look very nice on you, mademoiselle.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the beach, Kalle and Erika were supplied with two baskets filled with bikinis and it's the same drill; stroll the strip and sell the merchandise. However, in order to sell the suits, the girls were required to model them at the customer's request. However, there were no changing rooms. That's right, our little girls had to peel it off in front of everyone. Forget the sand castles, gentlemen...
In the end, Erika and Kalle ended up selling a couple suits, but the boys couldn't give away the tanning spray. However, they were able to trade five of the bottles for five chocolate donuts. Lunch break!

GIVE THEM CAKE Remember the clue our cast received instructing them to hike into the volcano? For those of you with short-term-memory-loss, it was a huge chocolate cake dripping red frosting, flames spitting from the top. So tasty, too. You saw Kalle and Oscar nibble a few bites from the mound of calories, but did any of you wonder what happened to the rest of that huge monster-cake?
After the clue was fished out of the frosting and read out loud, Christian (the captain of the Lady Jane) wandered into the kitchen, wearing only a towel. Hey, Vince is only wearing a towel, too - did you guys plan that? Christian runs two fingers through the cake and playfully dabs the frosting on Vince's nose. Vince scoops out a handful of frosting and rubs it across Christian's chest. Well, before you can say Betty Crocker, the two boys are heaving chunks of cake and frosting at each other in a mega food-fight. Now Christian gets Vince into a headlock and smashes his face into the cake. Vince mashes more chocolate into Christian's hair. Suddenly they both slip on some frosting that's fallen on the floor, and BOOM - they both land on their butts.
By now, both maniacs are covered in cake. They slowly stand, laughing hysterically. The game is over...
Vince suddenly grabs a tray that holds the remaining foundational layer of the cake and raises it into the air to dump into onto Christian - but instead, he accidentally smashes the overhead light fixture, send the shade flying across the room.
Kalle screams her head off.
Play nice...

LOCATION: GRENADA If any of you had lingering doubts about the depth of the romance between Jake and Kalle, read on...
Once the kids hiked out of the volcano and back to civilization, Jake, Kalle, and Vince went for supplies while Erika and Oscar retired to the deck of the Lady Jane. The afternoon was one of the those rare opportunities on the trip for Erika and Oscar to bond. As you may have noticed, they are usually fighting.
Sitting in the stern of the sailboat, Erika praises Oscar for his bravery in continuing on the mission despite his pain and broken bones. Oscar praises Erika for sleeping in the bottom of the volcano without complaining. Erika folds her arms across her chest. Well, now that you mention it...
Remember, Erika shared one of those little pup tents with Jake and Kalle. Well, here's the real scoop. Seems Jake and Kalle were making out all night long, and the sounds of their passion prevented Erika from getting any sleep! Apparently, the lovers thought their road mate was out cold, but Erika was bright-eyed and nauseated. "They were making all these ******* sounds - and I'm just two inches away!"
Erika explains that she tried to breathe loudly, pretending to sleep, in hopes that Jake and Kalle would follow her lead. But no luck. She was up all night.
Oscar confirms Erika's argument: Jake and Kalle do get a little annoying with all their sloppy smooching. Erika explodes, "I don't want to be a witness!" And they call it pup tent love...

LOCATION: PHILADELPHIA In the train station in Philadelphia, our Road Rulers had some time to kill. They piled their bags into a heap and then sprawled out on the marble floor. Vince pulled on his headphones, Erika perused the latest issue of Cosmo, and Oscar wandered off to explore the rest rooms. Jake and Kalle, that happy couple, suddenly decided it was time for a session of wrestle / tickle...
Jake mounts Kalle, pinning her to the floor to deliver a round of breath-preventing tickles. Kalle gasps and wriggles but can't break free. Finally, she playfully bites into the fat of Jake's hand. Now that gets a response. Jake leaps off his girl, furious. He gazes at the bite marks on his hand and storms away. Kalle sits up and calls after him, I'm sorry Jake!
Jake returns a moment later, all smiles. Kalle is relieved. He steps toward her, offering his hand to show her the little bite marks. As Kalle leans in for a concerned closer look, Jake suddenly slaps her on the mouth! That's right, he slaps her on the mouth. And it isn't playful. It certainly isn't funny. A never-before-seen look of shock mixed with anger appears on Kalle's face. Vince and Erika gasp and then quickly look away, not wanting to become a part of the highly uncomfortable situation. Kalle quickly stands and strides away without a word.
Jake runs after his girl, apologizing profusely, but she's not having it. She turns on him: I know you're trying to be funny but don't ever do that again - I would never hit you in the face. Jake apologizes again, then asks for a hug. Kalle refuses and slowly walks away. Jake sighs, I guess you're not over it yet - well time heels all wounds.
How many times have we said it; play nice!

BETTER THAN THE MOVIES The evening after the Knicks game, Jake and Kalle decided to go to the movies. Just the two of us. Like a real date. On the way to the theater, they stopped at a Korean deli to pick up some snacks. Then Jake realized he had to use the potty. They crossed the street and slipped into a swank hotel so Jake could use the facilities. Kalle lounged on one of the over-stuffed chairs in the lobby while Jake disappeared down the hallway. But the toilet wasn't the only thing he found...
In less than a minute, Jake returned to the lobby and whispered to Kalle, "a woman was checking out at the front desk and I slipped her room key into my pocket - want to check it out?" Kalle gasps and giggles and they sneak onto the elevator.
On the sixteenth floor, Jake starts trying the key-card in the locks on the doors. Not this one. Not here either. Then, BINGO. The door for room number 1624 swings open. "After you!" announces Jake to his lady. Kalle laughs and slips into the room. Jake quickly follows and closes the door.
Look at this place! A fabulous view of the city skyline, a gorgeous king-sized bed, a huge TV with cable, and look - the woman even left some of her food on the tray from room service! Jake and Kalle kick off their shoes, climb into bed, and pull the covers up to their chins. "This is way better than the movies!" exclaims Kalle. Jake agrees, "and it's a lot nicer than the Banana Hammock - the view is fly." To make the evening complete, Jake wraps his arms around Kalle and they begin to kiss passionately.
Lights out...

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